Here's Why It Seems Like You're Constantly Getting Ghosted

sad woman
PHOTO: PIXABAY VIA PEXELS

Ghosting. It has happened to virtually all of us at one time or another. It’s when we’re in a relationship with someone and all of a sudden, it’s like they fall off the face of the earth. They stop calling. They don’t respond to texts. Days go by and there’s no sight of them…at all. It’s weird and it sucks.

If you keep getting ghosted and you wonder why it keeps happening, while there are probably dozens of reasons, here are some of the main ones:

a man saying "coward"
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Ghosters Are Cowards

If there’s one characteristic that all ghosters have, it’s probably being non-confrontational. They would rather just fade out of someone’s life rather than having the hard conversations that will bring forth clarity and, if necessary, closure. 

That’s why we think that ghosters are cowards. If someone doesn’t think enough of you to explain why they’re putting some distance between the two of you, don’t keep letting them back into your life. 

In fact, if they “get ghost” more than once and try and pop back, YOU make it clear that you’re not havin’ it. Close the door.

a woman saying she doesn't understand something

Ghosters Are Poor Communicators

Something else that ghosters tend to be are poor communicators. They don’t really like to talk about their feelings and they don’t know how to respond when you share yours. 

Come to think of it, this reason alone can be the motivation to nip ghosters in the bud. No one can have a healthy relationship without good communication. If they don’t know how to share or listen, let them go.

a woman calling someone a commitment phobe
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Ghosters Are Commitment-Phobes

Anyone who basically evaporates from another person’s life definitely shows signs of having a phobia of commitment. In fact, a lot of ghosters start to pull the “ghost move” right when they think that you’re going to expect more from them than they are ready to give. They think that if they quietly leave, there is a chance for them to come back and the pressure to do/be more will be off because you’ll be so happy that they returned that you’ll forget. 

That mentality is manipulative. Don’t fall for it.

a woman talking about someone being selfish

Ghosters Are Selfish

One of the most annoying things about ghosters is how selfish they are. Just think about it. If someone is willing to leave your life without any heads up, how concerned about your feelings can they be? 

And honestly, how can you be in any kind of relationship with a selfish person? 

They are going to always take more than they give. ALWAYS.

a man saying he'll be right back
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Ghosters Always Think They Can Return

Ghosters are also pretty arrogant, whether they realize it or not. We say that because most ghosters are “repeat offenders” and it’s pretty cocky to pull this kind of move again and then have the nerve to come back and try it again. 

Here’s the thing about this point, though. For a ghoster to come in and out of your life, YOU have to let them. 

This means you have more control over ghosters than you might initially think, which brings us to three reasons why ghosters may be able to cause some much drama in your world.

a confused woman

YOU ATTRACT GHOSTERS BECAUSE: You Don’t Have The Best “Ghost Detector”

Now that you know why so many people ghost others, you might wonder why you attract them. 

One reason may be because you’re not the best at detecting ghosters. 

Hopefully, thanks to what you’ve already read so far, you have a clearer understanding of how ghosters operate. 

If start to see someone who sucks at communication or they are unclear about where they stand—or want to stand—with you, you’ve got a potential ghoster on your hands. 

Act accordingly.

Iyanla Vanzant telling someone to back up

YOU ATTRACT GHOSTERS BECAUSE: You Don’t Have The Best Boundaries

Someone once said that you can only be a doormat when you lie down and let people walk all over you. There’s a lot of wisdom in that statement. 

Something that people who attract ghosters tend to have in common is their boundaries aren’t really the best. They don’t think about what they will or won’t tolerate in a relationship (or friendship) BEFORE going into one. 

It’s OK to have standards. It’s healthy. The ones who truly want to be in your life? They will respect and honor your boundaries. The ones who don’t? They can “get ghost”.

a woman saying "karma"

YOU ATTRACT GHOSTERS BECAUSE: You Are Getting Your Karma For Ghosting Other People

This final point might make you feel all kinds of “ouches”, but that doesn’t make it any less relevant. 

Karma is getting back what you’ve given out. If deep down, YOU KNOW that you have ghosted quite a few people yourself, maybe this is simply your turn to get a taste of your own medicine. 

How do you get the cycle to stop? Start by not ghosting any more people. Oh, and if there is someone you know for a fact that you’ve hurt, try and make amends. 

The sooner you do that, the sooner the universe will start removing ghosts from your life—and that’s ALWAYS a good thing.

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SHELLIE RENEé

Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's it...in a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)

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