5 Signs You're Wasting Your Time On A Relationship That Won't Go Anywhere

a couple in a relationship
PHOTO: @SERRAH VIA UNSPLASH

There are a lot of jacked up things that can happen in a relationship. But one of the worst of all is to waste someone else’s time. Why do we say that? Because time is a very precious commodity; something that we can’t EVER get back.

That’s the motivation behind sharing this information with you. We care enough about you to want to make sure that regardless of how fine he is or great the sex may be, we don’t want you wasting your time on something that isn’t really going anywhere.

How can you know if your relationship falls into this category? Because we happen to value your time, in roughly five minutes, we’re going to share with you five signs that definitely point to you being involved with someone who doesn’t think that time is of the essence. Not at all.

a man stuck in his car
1 / 5

It Feels Stagnant

When you’re in a relationship with someone, nothing feels quite as unsettling as stagnation. You know, when things are going OK, but it also feels like time is standing still because there is no progress being made. It’s almost like the relationship hasn’t emotionally progressed since the first few dates, and to make matters “worse”, he seems perfectly fine with that. 

Everything is meant to move forward. Relationships are certainly not exempt. If that’s not the direction that yours is moving in, you very well could be wasting your time.

two people disagreeing

He Avoids “What Are We Doing?” Conversations

Wanna see a guy run—at least in his head? Start off a conversation with “Hey, we need to talk.” Make him run even faster with “So, what are we doing?” 

It’s not a comfortable conversation, but every few months (and by that, we mean like twice a year), it’s an important one to have because it’s what brings forth clarity. 

If you ask your man this question and he ignores you or gets irritated, while it’s not a definite indication that you’re wasting your time, it’s something that you shouldn’t overlook.

a woman with an engagement ring
3 / 5

Newer Relationships Are WAY Ahead Of Yours

We’re not saying that it’s healthy to always compare your relationships to others. In most cases, we’d encourage you NOT to do it. But there is an exception and this is it. 

If you’ve got a handful of people in your life who met, dated and got engaged (maybe even married) months after you and your guy got together, girrrrrl. At the very least, ask him if he’s noticed that to hear his thoughts. 

Everyone has their own timetable, but you shouldn’t be “forever the bridesmaid” if that’s the last thing on earth that you want to be.

a man saying "I'm good"

You Want More. He’s Just Fine.

Remember how we talked about the importance of relationships moving forward? One way that happens is by both people growing and evolving. 

As you grow, what you want from him may change as well because as things get more serious, that’s what tends to happen. 

If you need more from him and he’s fine just the way things are, this could be another sign that you’re wasting your time. Why? Because he’s not expecting more because he’s not expecting the relationship to go past the point where the two of you are—right now.

a woman saying "deal with it"

Your Gut Tells You So

A woman’s gut instinct is nothing to play with. If there is something within you that knows something isn’t quite right, there is a reason why you’re feeling that way. Don’t ignore it. 

Spend some alone time trying to figure out why you feel that you might be wasting your time. Then bring the unsettled feelings up to him; not in an accusatory kind of way. Just a “You know, lately I’ve been feeling…” kind of way. 

If he values you, he’ll bring reassurance. Then he’ll follow that up with actions that will convince you that he wants what you want. That way, you will know that you are doing anything but wasting your time with him.

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SHELLIE RENEé

Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's it...in a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)

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