Here Are Some Of The Reasons Why People Avoid Intimacy At All Costs & They Are Astonishing

a woman in the bedroom

Like they say, even if it's bad, it's pretty good. And if it’s done right, sex can be amazing. This reason alone is enough for most of us to send a sext to our partner to make some plans for later tonight.

The icing on the cake is there are also tons of health benefits that come with doing it too. Off the top of our heads, some include a stronger immune system, more energy, a decreased risk for heart disease, regulated periods, better sleep, a boosted libido, lower blood pressure, and many more.

With all of the reasons why sex is so good for us, why would anyone possibly want to avoid it?

Alfred Kinsey, a sexologist (amongst other things) who founded the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University back in the late 1940s — currently known as the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction — once cited that, although a healthy sex life can boost one’s self-esteem and can increase longevity, people will avoid it for a myriad of reasons.

Just how many people? According to his findings, close to 20 percent of people. Additional research reveals that women usually avoid sex more than men do with as much as 40 percent choosing to avoid having sex during some point in their lives.

As far as the reasons go, for women, it includes PTSD associated with childhood sexual abuse; if they are pregnant, fear of miscarriage; plain old lack of interest, and of course, fatigue.

For men, some of the reasons include erectile dysfunction and the simple lack of opportunity.

Interestingly enough, one of the main reasons why some people (of both sexes) avoid sex is due to medical conditions. Individuals with heart issues often fear they'll have a heart attack. Medication for diabetes or blood pressure can significantly decrease one’s sex drive (for some men, the medicine makes it harder for them to maintain an erection). Obesity can lead to poor body image, which makes some people too self-conscious to want to have sex. And 13 percent of Americans take antidepressants, which can also do a real number on one’s libido.

There are also studies revealing that as we age, some of us feel we are too old for sex, so we stop initiating with our partners. But, just a head's up, there’s plenty of data showing that people in their 70s and 80s still have very active sex lives.

Geez. Those are A LOT of reasons. But, once you stop to really think about them all, it’s not about people just not having sex. In many cases, there are physical as well as psychological reasons behind why some choose to avoid sex altogether.

The solution is not cut and dried. For medical issues, one should see their doctor. For psychological ones, a reputable counselor. If someone is avoiding sex simply because they are not interested, it takes all kinds to make this world go around. That is certainly their right. But if they are making a point to avoid sex due to a health issue or deep-rooted fear, life is too short and sex is too good to not find a remedy. And thankfully, thanks to the professionals who can treat these issues, there are some.



Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)


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